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 Joke Thread etc....

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Dan
Slave
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Number of posts : 534
Location : in the deepest darkest depths of england
IGN[Game NickName] : --------
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Registration date : 2008-04-01

PostSubject: Joke Thread etc....   Sat Apr 12, 2008 5:28 am

found this on bash.org found it sooo funny xD

sweet17: Hi
bloodninja: hello
bloodninja: who is this?
sweet17: just a someone?
bloodninja: A someone I know?
sweet17: nope
bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
sweet17: well sorrrrrry
sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
bloodninja: why?
sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
sweet17: yes?
bloodninja: look I’m sorry. I’m just a little paranoid
sweet17: paranoid?
bloodninja: yes
sweet17: of what?
sweet17: me?
bloodninja: No. I’m in hiding.
sweet17: LOL
bloodninja: Don’t fucking laugh at me!
bloodninja: This shit is serious!
sweet17: What are you hiding from?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: gimme a fucking break
bloodninja: I’m serious.
sweet17: I don’t get it
bloodninja: The cops are after me.
sweet17: For what?
bloodninja: I’m wanted in three states
sweet17: For???
bloodninja: It’s kindof embarrasing.
bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You are fucking sick.
bloodninja: Send me your picture.
sweet17: why?
bloodninja: so I know you aren’t one of them.
sweet17: One of what?
bloodninja: The cops.
sweet17: I’m not a cop i told you
bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
sweet17: hold on
bloodninja: Hurry up.
bloodninja: Are you there?
bloodninja: fuck you, cop!
sweet17: Hey sorry
sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
bloodninja: When really you were notifying the authorities.
bloodninja: Weren’t you!?
sweet17: thats not it
bloodninja: Then what?
sweet17: I don’t want to send you the picture cause I’m not pretty
bloodninja: Most cops aren’t
sweet17: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKSHIT!
bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
sweet17: fine. What’s your e-mail?
bloodninja: Just send it through here.
sweet17: alright *PIC*
sweet17: Did you get it?
bloodninja: Hold on. I’m looking.
sweet17: That was me back in may
sweet17: I’ve lost weight since then.
bloodninja: I hope so
sweet17: what?!?
sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
bloodninja: Did it?
sweet17: Yes. I’m not that much smaller than that now.
bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
sweet17: yes
bloodninja: Alright let me find it.
sweet17: kks
bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
sweet17: this isn’t you.
bloodninja: I’ll be damned if it ain’t!
sweet17: You don’t look like that.
bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy….
bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
sweet17: Go fuck yourself
bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
bloodninja: Now my unit won’t get hard for a week.
sweet17: I shouldn’t have sent you that picture.
sweet17: You’ve done nothing but slam me.
sweet17: you hurt me.
bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn’t hurt me?
sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
bloodninja: Why would I do that?
sweet17: I can’t believe that cops are after you
bloodninja: I can’t believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!
bloodninja: You’d break both of his legs.
sweet17: You’re a fucking wanker!
sweet17: I’ve been teased my whole life because of my weight
sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don’t even know me
bloodninja: Ok. I’m sorry.
sweet17: No you aren’t
bloodninja: You’re right. I’m not.
bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
sweet17: I’m done with you
bloodninja: Aww. I’m sorry.
sweet17: I’m putting you on ignore
bloodninja: Wait a sec
bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
bloodninja: Wanna start over?
sweet17: No
bloodninja: I’ll eat your kitty
sweet17: You’ll what?
bloodninja: You heard me.
bloodninja: I said I’d eat your kitty.
sweet17: I thought you said you couldn’t get it hard after seeing my picture
bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
sweet17: I’d like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
bloodninja: Well I’m not like most men.
bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
sweet17: Like what?
bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
sweet17: I don’t know
bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
sweet17: I’m afraid to
bloodninja: Why?
sweet17: cause
bloodninja: cause why?
sweet17: well lets see
sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
sweet17: doesn’t that seem strange to you?
bloodninja: Nope
sweet17: well its strange to me
bloodninja: Fine. I won’t do it if you don’t want me to
sweet17: I didn’t say that
bloodninja: So is that a yes?
sweet17: I guess so.
bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
bloodninja: Are you willing?
sweet17: What do you need me to do?
bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
sweet17: ???
bloodninja: When I start to go limp… you say “HARRRR!!!”
bloodninja: ok?
bloodninja: Hello?
sweet17: You can’t be serious
bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
bloodninja: It’s my fantasy.
sweet17: this is retarded
bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
sweet17: Yes I want it.
bloodninja: Then you’ll do it for me?
sweet17: sure
bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
bloodninja: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth cunt.
sweet17: mmmm yeah
bloodninja: uh oh …going limp.
sweet17: Har
bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every stroke.
bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I fuck harder
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: HARRRRRRR
bloodninja: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
bloodninja: going limp
sweet17: this is stupid
bloodninja: …still limp
bloodninja: Do it!
sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
sweet17: WTF?!?!?
bloodninja: They stink really bad.
sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
sweet17: YOURE A FUCKING PYSCHO!!
bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple…
bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
sweet17: FUCK YOU DICKHEAD!!
bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin…
bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
bloodninja: …going limp again.
bloodninja: Hello?
bloodninja: Say it!
bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!
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Dias
Commander
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Number of posts : 1396
Location : Japan
IGN[Game NickName] : Dias Trakand
Current Status : Happy
Registration date : 2008-04-05

PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Sat Apr 12, 2008 5:42 am

rofl ,now thats a laugh
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sianx
Captain
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Number of posts : 168
Location : Singapore
IGN[Game NickName] : Zarus
Registration date : 2008-04-05

PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Sat Apr 12, 2008 6:45 am

its been posted too many times..
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Dan
Slave
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Sat Apr 12, 2008 7:36 am

shut up first time i seen it.........
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Shu
Celestial Council
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IGN[Game NickName] : Ashura/Iori Yagami
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Registration date : 2008-03-31

PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Sat Apr 12, 2008 7:57 am

i dont get the joke ^^
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Oblvione
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Sat Apr 12, 2008 2:16 pm

haha woooowww :noes:
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Guest
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Sat Apr 12, 2008 2:17 pm

lol psycho ... :burn:
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Darkzero
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Number of posts : 29
Location : Belgium
IGN[Game NickName] : Muztylon or Deus
Registration date : 2008-04-12

PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Sat Apr 12, 2008 4:07 pm

i laughed so hard on this one :P
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Dan
Slave
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Number of posts : 534
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Registration date : 2008-04-01

PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Sat Apr 12, 2008 5:04 pm

Ashura wrote:
i dont get the joke ^^

its a convo between 2 people... read the thread title carefully... joke thread ETC....meaning there can be more than just 1 joke ...
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Fithzx
Celestial Guard
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Sat Apr 12, 2008 5:30 pm

wooa.. Cops cops **hide** Lol .what a "dummy Girl" :ahuhu:
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Calviny
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Sat Apr 12, 2008 6:25 pm

Oh, same guy who did the mage robe and hat. Eh, I use to think they were funny back when I didn't know they were fake conversations between himself :/
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Shu
Celestial Council
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Number of posts : 10802
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IGN[Game NickName] : Ashura/Iori Yagami
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Registration date : 2008-03-31

PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Sun Apr 13, 2008 11:14 am

ok i copy a joke from our portal joke column and i will post here since dan started joke thread hehe

10% of the women had sex within the first hour of their first date.
20% of the men had sex in a non-traditional place.
36% of the women favour nudity.
45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes.
46% of the women experienced anal sex.
70% of the women prefer sex in the morning.
80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations.
90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest.
99% of the women have never experienced sex in the office.

Conclusion:

Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.

Moral:

Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!
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Guest
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Sun Apr 13, 2008 12:17 pm

haha good 1 ashura ... :P
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Guest
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Sun Apr 13, 2008 10:29 pm

dotz.... means Ashu hve a tasteof it in a stormy wet rainy days :>.<:
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Neoyoshi
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Registration date : 2008-04-11

PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Tue Apr 15, 2008 10:36 pm

Ahhh yes, the infamous Bloodninja fake cybersex dialogs; i've always loved his work.

Encounter #1


bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty Fuck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't fuck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby? BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?


Encounter #2


eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the fuck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you fuck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

_________________
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Dias
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Wed Apr 16, 2008 5:57 am

haha thats was a laugh
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YueYii
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PostSubject: Last 'Go Round...   Sat Apr 19, 2008 5:53 am

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now... cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses on the train... cause we're going down the tracks!"

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We do NOT use that kind of language in this house! Now, I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train... but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She heard her little darling continue... "For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
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Kurupt
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Sat Apr 19, 2008 6:16 pm

hahahahahahaha

that was funny neo


are they like in a chat room or something ??
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Lilith
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Sun Apr 20, 2008 5:59 pm

hahahahahahahahaha, nice one YueYii thumbs up
but I dont want to have a son like that :>.<:
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Mon Apr 21, 2008 12:45 am

YueYii ... u scare away the future parents :P
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YueYii
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Mon Apr 21, 2008 1:21 am

NubCake wrote:
YueYii ... u scare away the future parents :P

Then my work is done. lol
My son doesn't talk like that... at least, not loud enough for me to hear, but he is nonetheless a certified hellraiser.

:burn:
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YueYii
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IGN[Game NickName] : Kryyn
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Registration date : 2008-04-13

PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Mon Apr 21, 2008 2:50 am

A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, "I've got some bad news. You have cancer and you had best put your affairs in order."

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

"Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good and we celebrate when things do not go so well. In this case, things are not well. I have cancer. Let's head to the club and have a martini."

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end. "I've been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends were aghast and gave the woman their condolences.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, "Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends that you're dying of AIDS."

The woman said, "I know, I know, but I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your father after I'm gone."


Now that's putting your affairs in order!
:hula:
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Shu
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Mon Apr 21, 2008 5:07 am

lol :rawr:
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XinAn
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Mon Apr 21, 2008 7:50 am

now THAT is awesome =P

_________________
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PostSubject: Re: Joke Thread etc....   Mon Apr 21, 2008 10:02 am

Time to share....

9 Words/Phrases Women Use


1.) Fine:

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes:

If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five Minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing:

This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with Nothing usually end in Fine.

4.) Go Ahead:

This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh:

This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A Loud Sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of Nothing.)

6.) That's Okay:

This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's Okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks:

A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever:

Is a women's way of saying #%&@ YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it:

Another dangerous statement; meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.
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